how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
