I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Randomize
