I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Randomize
