Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
