My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Randomize
