she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Randomize
