I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
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