Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
