She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Randomize
