She went from zero to smokin in five shots
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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