Kiss
Puke
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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