Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
