what day is it and did you see me today?
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
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