I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
