HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
We need to get me chipped asap
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
