so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Can vaginas get frostbite?
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Randomize
