whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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