I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
