You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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