yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
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