so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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