these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
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Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
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