I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
