cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
