My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Someone shattered a urinal.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
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