I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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