Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
im having a threesome with these popsicles
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Randomize
