glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
too bad you live with your parents still
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
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