On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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