Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
