Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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