My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
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I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
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They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Randomize