Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Randomize
