I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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