If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
