I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
