So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
