she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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