I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
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