I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
