We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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