I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
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she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
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damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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