i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Randomize
