I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
