I'm going to rape someone's good day.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
