they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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