We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
