I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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