Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Randomize
