I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
