Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
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