my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
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We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
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Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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