God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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