omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Randomize
