just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize