so that wasnt chicken after all
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
