you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
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I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
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You ate ashes out of my bong
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
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