Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
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