Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
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When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
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Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
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