Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
