i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
