I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
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I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
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Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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