apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
