You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
it was like eating out sand paper
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
