Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
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