M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Randomize
