drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
you're hired as official boob wrangler
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Randomize
